Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
