so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
