I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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