Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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