Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
