There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
