Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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