Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
