You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
