I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Alive.
So much puke
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
