I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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