I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
