hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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