my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
