So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize