Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
