I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
