Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
