Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
