You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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