Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize