Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
