I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
