My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
