We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
