A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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