He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
