you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
