those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
