My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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