He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
