I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
