don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
