You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
