Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
