i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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