i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
