just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We had to coat check the pizza.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
