Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
