Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
