he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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