i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
