i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
