i think my tv is drunk
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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