i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
