Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
