Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize