4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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