I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
