Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
