If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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