I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh god the rape fog is back!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
