I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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