Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
