does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
