I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
