I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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