god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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