My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He better not be in your backpack
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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