I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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