her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
