I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All the doctor said was why
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
