She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
