I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
