He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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