He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
