How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize