i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
