What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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